Searching for Significance

I've been having significance issues lately and I've been doing all kinds of things to try to fix the problem. I've been praying for direction and clarity, I've been trying to get more involved at church, I've been thinking through career paths, I've been looking at grad schools and then prayed some more and all I got was a bunch of road blocks and one answer from God, "Spend more time with me." This was NOT the answer I had in mind. So I completely ignored God and kept striving on my own (*side note: As I look back over all the wonderful things in my life, I have never had to strive for any of them, so what made me think I would need to start now?). And again, all I got was more road blocks and one answer from God, "Spend more time with me." This whole "ignoring God" thing went on for a while and the frustration mounted. I have even lost sleep over this. I kind of thought God's answer was beside the point, but in my heart I knew that it WAS the point. So recently I have given in to God and started spending more time with him and all the sudden I have more direction and peace than I've had for months! Then I came across John 12:43,

For they loved praise from men more than praise from God.

And it hit me that my striving was due to my perceived need for praise from people. Erwin McManus in "Wide Awake" says it like this:

God glorifies himself and finds the greatest honor from our lives when we are willing to fail in the eyes of others simply by doing what is right even if it means losing our perceived value in the world. Faith is not measured by success . . . would you choose success in the eyes of others or failure that brings your life its greatest meaning? Sometimes we hesitate to choose the more difficult path even when we know it leads us to the life we were born to live.

I was searching for significance in all the wrong places. In short, significance and success defined by our culture is vain and empty. It will neither satisfy nor give us the peace that we are all looking for. But Christ will. It is such a huge relief to not be under the pressure of the world. This song by Tenth Avenue North says it well and brings me to tears when I hear it.

On Discipline

Ok, now I really am on my little soapbox, but I have been thinking on this lately. I believe children are a wonderful gift from God, but also a great responsibility entrusted to us who require A LOT of time and energy. That said, the longer I have been a parent, the more I realize that you cannot be lazy and be a good parent. I see so many children who are terrors and it weighs heavy on me. I am sad for the children much more than I am sad for their parents. They are not going to be able to live life to its fullest if they are focused only on themselves. Discipline is not a way of controlling a child so parents can have an easier life, it is setting our precious gifts from God up for success in life. All of life is about serving others and when children are taught that they are the center of the universe and parents and others are there to serve them, they will be rudely awakened when they get older and enter the workforce, and it will be painful for them. I discipline because I love my daughter intensely. I want to set her up with truth and character. Cute little sins now turn into big ugly ones later and it is much easier for her to learn the lessons now. But my aim is not to change outward actions (that is just legalism). My aim is her heart. Sorry to get all preachy on you. This is what I woke up thinking about this morning.

Pony Riding and Cookie Eating

Mornings with Amalia

I have quickly figured out that I am the only morning person in our family. My wonderful daughter takes after her Papa in many ways and not being a morning person is one of them. Saturday mornings consist of me sitting on the couch all by myself sipping my coffee and either watching the morning news or reading. This goes on for at least an hour until about 9:00 until Adrian gets up. Then he and I have about another half hour until we start hearing squeaks from Amalia. I know, this would be a dream come true for many moms of bounce-off-the-walls, get-up-at-the-crack-of-dawn kids, but I actually used to want everyone to get up when I did. After a few grumpy mornings and me finally figuring out that not everyone has to be a morning person, I settled for letting everyone sleep. And it is not as if Amalia doesn't get enough sleep. Along with an afternoon nap, she goes to bed at about 8:30 p.m.!
Weekday mornings are always interesting because I have to wake Amalia up at 8:00. "That's not early" you may say, and I well agree, but it is for non-morning people apparently because I give myself an entire half hour to get her up and ready and I am almost always late. I have learned to compromise, and I have learned to be very calm, tranquil and serene. So on to the point . . . I went in to wake Amalia up this morning and in my rehearsed semi-calm, serene way, I said, "Good morning." This is definitely a learned art because after a jog, a warm shower and a cup of caffeine-laced coffee, I am rearing to go and think everyone else should be too. The slits that contain eyes slowly opened and then closed right back up again. She then rolled over and clutched her blanket (luckily, I had spotted her pacie before she saw and hid it under the pillow because if she has that it is ten times harder to get her up). I began gently rubbing her back and said, "Amalia, do you want to brush your teeth?" (this tactic worked for a little while because she LOVES to brush her teeth, but I think she has become wise to it). she winced and rolled her shoulder as if to try to detach my hand off her back and then turned back over toward me and and tried to push me off the bed with her feet. Sensing the grumpiness coming on, I got up and starting getting out her clothes to give her a little more time. You have no idea how much self control this takes on my part. When I was little, my dad used to come in, jump on me and start tickling me ferociously and that is exactly what I want to do, but Amalia will start crying! After I did everything I could possibly think of to give her more time to wake up, I went over and sat on her bed again but didn't say anything. This time she opened her eyes and finally conceded, "Ok mommy, ok . . . be patient." This of course just cracked me up, but I was careful to chuckle quietly under my breath instead of a loud boisterous laugh and said, "Amalia, I love you." She retorted with, "No, I love YOU!" A sigh of relief! I knew then I was homefree and could proceed with the rest of the morning without WWII erupting.
She is only 2-1/2 now . . . I can only imagine the adventures I am going to have when she is a teenager.

Bread for Thought

I love bread. My mom used to laugh at me when I was little because almost every night I would ask if I could please just have one piece of bread and some water before bed. She said I sounded like a refugee. You have no idea how disappointed I was when I found out bread isn't all that good for you, at least eating it at the rate I was. Well my refugee days are over, but I've moved on to bigger and better things . . . namely Panera Bread. It is one of my favorite spots. Ask my husband who has had to endure eating with me at this "chic restaurant" (as he calls it) for the past 6 years. He would much rather eat some steak, but is instead reduced to froo-froo soups, salads, and sammies which of course come with a steaming hot mouthwatering loaf of fresh baked bread. Speaking of bread, I've been ruminating on John 6:34,

Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty . . ."

This naturally caught my attention and made made me think. Bread in those times was the sustenance of life. It was essential for survival, not a carb no-no like our current culture. There was no appetizer, main course and desert, it was just bread and maybe some wine to drink. That's it kids! That's what's for dinner! Bread gives satisfaction, life and energy (oh baby does it ever. Just try not eating for a couple days). Of course bread is a metaphor. Jesus is the bread of life because He brings us life through faith in Him! A life that is radically changed into something better than you could ever ask for or imagine. He is salvation to those who want it. What is your salvation? We all have one. Is it success? Is it money? Notoriety? Education? Family or friends? Is it that house with a white picket fence? Anything other than the true life-giving bread from heaven is like eating dirt. It doesn't taste good (unless you don't know any better, but that is a whole other topic), diminishes the quality of your life and will not satisfy. Do you want a life lived fully with freedom and peace, adventure and purpose? Feast on the delectable, super tasty bread from heaven, Jesus Christ, and you will never hunger again.

. . . I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

Munch on that for a bit and in the meantime, I'm headed to Panera Bread!

Fun in the Snow

All I wanted for Christmas this year during our visit to Pennsylvania was snow for Malia to play in since we live in Florida and she hasn't seen any since she was 6 months old. Well, I got my wish . . . complete with sledding and snowman making! Here's the evidence. My mom (a.k.a. Mimi) was all ready for us with a snowsuit, boots, hat and gloves so Malia wouldn't freeze her little toes off (Thank you Mimi!). I was curious to know what she would think about the snow and whether or not she would like it. I got my answer the day after our first time out. As soon as she woke up and EVERY morning following that, she would go right over to the window and ask, "We gonna play in da snow Mommy? We gonna play in da snow?" And then in about 10 minute intervals all morning long through breakfast until we were ready to go out, she would ask me again, "We gonna play in da snow Mommy? We gonna play in da snow?"

Guilty Addiction

Here is a little known fact about me that I'm finally admitting publicly . . . I am addicted to lists . . . there, I said it. I LOVE making lists (to-do lists, grocery lists, wish lists, gift lists, packing lists, event planning lists, you name it!) and then crossing things off them. I will even write things down on my list that I have either completed already or am almost done with just so I can put that nice big slash through it! I also put silly things on my to-do lists like, "brush teeth" just so I can mark it off. Like, DUH!!! Everyone brushes their teeth without needing reminded. I have rewritten lists that have become crumpled and dog-eared so I can have a nice fresh new list. I even look at my husband's list and slash things on his that are already done. And yes, I am also the author of his to-do list or "honey-do" list as they say. Isn't that terrible? He hasn't really given me much grief about his to-do list; he is such a nice husband. He just does the stuff on the list. I also love list stationary. They have them in the dollar section at Target and I am ALWAYS tempted to buy more; the kind that have a little magnet on the back so you can stick it to your fridge. But then I remember that I have 3 of them in my nightstand drawer at home (plus, "list stationary" was not on my list), so pull myself away or I buy them for gifts. I used to like post-it notes, but they have become too small for my lists. I also have list codes. For example, "A" means urgent, "B" means get done tomorrow, not urgent, and "C" on my grocery list means I have a coupon for it.
1. I know, I know, this is a serious problem.
2. Is there any help for list addicts?
3. If so, please let me know ASAP! (A)
4. Brush teeth (A)